


Remember My Name (Because I Don't Know How Long it's Going to Last)

by RoseintheWind



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Divergence, Dreams, Dreamselves, Feels, M/M, Meeting in a Dream, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Separation Anxiety, Touch-Starved, slight amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24369361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseintheWind/pseuds/RoseintheWind
Summary: Everything is the same but Dirk and Jake meet earlier than expected.Dirk meets a boy in a void in a dream, never remembering him when he wakes but always finds a way to come back.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	Remember My Name (Because I Don't Know How Long it's Going to Last)

**Author's Note:**

> So this small fic is something I'm using as a way to get back into writing. (and it's incredibly self-indulgent haha). Luckily even with school, there's a lot more time for me to do this which is great! I think starting with a Homestuck piece is funny but quarantine has been getting everyone into fandoms so I'm not complaining haha. Jake and Dirk are also written a little OOC but that's just because of their age. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy :))

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you've managed to miraculously (finally) fall asleep again. You're not quite sure where you are right now, but you know the fact that you're asleep is a given so you roll with your unfamiliar dream state surroundings. You're not on Derse, which puzzles you. You still have complete control as if you were but it's like you've been trapped in a shitty pitch-black basement bunker. With your luck, a revolution will have destroyed Derse at this point. 

The only thing of interest is behind you, said Derse pitched purple that illuminates your entrance and blends into the black of the void. You assume it's some sort of portal but as you try to go through it, you're blocked. 

"It's time to stop fucking around now." You think. There probably wouldn't have been any harm in shouting it into the void but you haven't used your voice in days. You're a little afraid to hear what it sounds like. 

You end up figuring out you can't shift your consciousness. You pinch your hand but that doesn't work. You mentally berate yourself for trying such a stupid thing to distract you from your quickening heartbeat. You're now _stuck here_. You can't leave, it's as black and shallow as your shades here and you're alone. At least on Derse, there were the little chess piece people for you to observe, but here it's just like home. It leaves a bitter twinge in your chest but you aren't surprised to be here. You were getting too greedy as you hovered around, taking in the sights of something that wasn't just stoic robots and sky-high ocean water.

This is a punishment, and you deserve to be here.

You attempt different tactics to rouse yourself but they don't work. You walk around your endless prison to see only farther reaches of endlessness but also if you weren't careful could just be walls waiting for you to run into. You'd be laughing if that were the case if you weren't so close to losing your shit. 

As your mental state begins to fall off the tracks of the already teetering train you notice a bright light from across your portal. The light collapses into the void much like yours and it spits out a boy that looks to be much like you in age _and_ confusion. 

He calls out to the void, receiving no answer in return. You're not sure what you expected but then you remember you're here and he hasn't noticed. Well, better get to making yourself known. 

You'd love to do that, and you wish it were that easy but _there's a literal, awake human person_ standing across from you. This is not you guiding a sleeping Roxy back to her Dersite tower or you speaking with her over Pesterchum. He's _real_ , or as real as a dream-self can be, which in your shaded eyes is pretty fucking real considering what you've seen. 

His green eyes catch yours in a moment of surprise before lighting up. He apologizes for his unobservance (though you're not sure why) and introduces himself. The name plucks itself out of his mouth and you hope you can remember it, the words "Jake English". You do the same in turn because you're pretty sure that's what people do to be polite. 

He fidgets before asking you where you are. You give a nonchalant answer of "the void." He asks you what it means. You say you aren't sure, this is your first time here too. 

He awkwardly looks around as a means of avoiding awkward banter. You can't blame him, but you train your calculating gaze back onto him. You can't deduct anything from him about his personality considering he's just flitting around the nothing, but you'd be lying if that analysis wasn't biased by a certain... other distraction. 

You just can't tear your eyes away from him. He's not only _living,_ ("c'mon we went over this already, don't make a fool of yourself because you've never seen anyone before") but he's good looking. You're starting to question the lengths of this "punishment" as you look him over a couple more times. 

He turns back to you and tells you that he can't seem to find a way out. You could've told him that but you hold your tongue. He starts to walk over to you. You're not quite sure what to do now. 

He asks if you're real or just a figment of one of his dreams. You say you hope you're real and it would be quite inconvenient if you were just a living corpse. He snickers at your half-joke. (Wow his laugh is cute.)

He decides to sit down beside you and his eyes once again flit across the dreamscape. He asks if you're going to sit down. Oh, yeah, you reply uneasily and do just that.

The awkward silence returns. Of course your first interaction with anyone would result in the other person not being able to say anything, you think. Probably not very easy with your ironic facade. But he looks over to you with a content smile and compliments your shades. You thank him (and the Derse side of the "room" for being so dark. You're pretty sure your face is heating up in a blush but if it's from the compliment or his overbite smile you can't tell). 

He later strikes conversation by confiding in you. You can sense he's nervous as he averts his eyes every so often and turns away from you to half-hide his facial features. At least you're not alone in this whole awkwardness deal. He says he's glad to see someone else. He says that it gets pretty lonely on his island without another human around (you can actually empathize, and you vocalize that). You tell him things about home as well, to a slightly more secret degree though. His eyes blow wide as you mention your post-apocalyptic setting and he rambles about it from the lens of the movies he says he loves. Once you realize, you are taken aback on how hard it is to simply listen and admire another person and answer their quick-fire questions at the same time. It's dizzyingly fast-paced, but not in a bad way.

You find that once he gets going, he just doesn't stop. He bounces from one topic to the next, movies, adventures, friends (or the single one he knows). He asks about you too this time instead of you feeling prompted. Again, you're secretive ("why won't you just open up to him?") but he revels in any information you have to give about your life with an invested look on his face. When he rebounds on your topics your heart flutters. You wish you could always listen to him talk for hours. His voice has a twinge of what you've heard to be an accent from England. It's enticing to hear, the way he strings statements together and his unique word choices. He makes a joke at the expense of this and his last name and tells you his island is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You're not one-hundred percent sure where that is or if it's close to the England you've never seen (you assume it's not) but you snort and he grins in return. (What did you do to deserve this your heart asks.)

He stares into your shades for a little while after you stop talking. You're not sure how long this "little while" is though. It feels like he's paralyzed you, not only looking through the tint at your bare eyes but your very soul like he's evaluating it. It's unnerving but not uncomfortable. You feel as though you'd be trapped at this moment forever if it weren't for the fact that both sides of the void zoom to life. You both jump apart like you've been caught in a scandalous act. He mutters apologies which are forgotten by both of you.

He walks over to the bright golden side, which is creating bright golden waves over a gold water-like surface. Yours mimicks this but in violet. Well, damn. It seems they were portals after all. 

He asks you where you think they lead. You tell him they probably are to wake up considering you're dreaming. You catch his face fall for a couple of seconds too long. You empathize (but don't say it. What's holding you back?). 

He looks into the portal and turns back to you, anxious. 

There's a lot of things you wish you could've said to him. You've only just met him but you feel like you've known him forever. You don't really want to go back anyway. You could stay here forever, just you and him and the outside world that you don't need. But that's too selfish, something you could never have. You remember he has a life outside too, desolate as it is. 

So you settle with a "See you on the other side?" as a way to tell him here again? or see you in the real world? and accompany the statement with a sidewards smile and a half-wave. His entire face lights up in glee and your heart pounds rapidly against your chest. "See you on the other side." He parrots back as you walk through the portal. The butterflies in your stomach are just living it up, looping around it like there's a giant butterfly race. Despite this giddy feeling, you realize you've made a promise you might not be able to keep. Who knows when you'll be able to come back, or even ever see him in real-time? If you do manage to come back will you be there waiting for him? Or will he be there waiting for you and you never show up? You carry these doubts as you walk through the portal. 

By morning though, it doesn't matter. You've forgotten everything, including his name.

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

You wake up to probably one of the best nights of sleep you've had in a while, which greatly surprises you. You often crash at whatever desk you've homed yourself at and the after effect of the morning isn't very pleasant. The last time you've slept in a bed had to have been at least two weeks from now, and yet you feel...airy. 

You decide to switch over to your Derse-self for the time being. Nothing's changed from last night, Roxy's still in her tower, the planet is in its constant state of mild peacefulness, and Skaia hasn't been ripped apart by the war you've heard of going on. 

You wish you could fly far enough to see Prospit's nobles. It's supposedly much better there. Brightly lit structures that let you think the entire place is made of promise, _hope._ The people are supposedly kind and brightly responsive, full of friendliness and _life._ You don't actually mind Derse (you think Prospit would probably blind you -even with your shades- anyway) but you're not actually allowed to leave without someone attempting your life. You got very close to being found out the first time you explored Derse. 

You are aggravated by your planet's lack of fucking _heart_ but can also understand it, to a degree. Wait, why are you thinking about this? Who cares? You certainly don't and never had. 

You blink a few times and switch back. Was it loneliness? Jesus, you understand that Derse may be completely _void_ of emotion but that doesn't mean that you've ever needed to rely on it to fulfill yourself. Speaking of, you feel as though you've forgotten something, something important. Was it something on Derse? But weren't you just there last night as you dreamt? Nothing's changed there anyway, so it couldn't be that.

You groan in exasperation. You're already growing fucking senile. So with that thought you decide to tackle your amnesia later. You stand up from your workshop bench and readjust your glasses which seem to have fallen off. Your current project sits on the table, waiting to be tinkered with. You look down on it and tell yourself you'd rather be building it than analyzing your mental state again. Unfortunately those things seem to be the only ones that you can do in this wasteland anyway.

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

You spend the rest of the day with a fluttering feeling in your chest. That something you've forgotten won't stop pestering you it seems. You've walked in and out of the limited space of your residence and still can't find the cause. You scour the internet to find an answer to no avail. You find yourself looking into space for a good half-an-hour as you try to get the feeling to go away. Leave it up to you to forget something while you're in the limited space of the middle of fucking nowhere. 

You stare at your project for the majority of the night, sleep pulling at you but you not giving in to the temptation because that's not new. You absent-mindedly work a little bit more and watch the orange-red sunrise bleed above the horizon and reflect off the dark ocean. 

You do things as you would daily, which is to say nothing at all considering you have no schedule. Sleep pulls at you early to your mild surprise. You thought that with the good rest you had a few nights ago you might be able to sustain yourself for a while. Staying up for two nights or more is not uncommon to you, and you tend to handle it pretty well until you crash. This though is very rare. You find yourself waddling to bed, the bags under your eyes threatening to make you sew your eyelids shut or make your eyeballs pop out. Luckily none of those happen and you collapse on your bed, awaiting the violet and red of your Dersite tower. 

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

You jolt awake to find not purple, but the inky black of the void. The iris-purple of the portal behind you seams itself shut, a telling sign of you not going to wake up anytime soon. You are suddenly hit with a wave of pain throughout your entire skull, and you clutch your head in an attempt to repress. You close your eyes in a squint, never feeling something so severe reverberate through your head. Memories fly past your minds-eye at a speed you almost can't catch up on. Conversation rings through your ears with words you never knew you said but you remembered you said them. Emotions fill your gut and display across another's face that you wouldn't be able to recognize in real-time but you know exactly who he is. _Promises_ , inward, outward, that you weren't sure you'd be able to keep you now remember, and with that here you are, sitting in the middle of that same void hoping to have another conversation with that same boy. Two words finally settle amongst everything else as the pain fades away.

" _Jake English._ "

Your heart surges. He sits across from you once again, what you can presume now is Prospit's gold color scheme behind him. He wears a patient smile and asks if you're okay once you turn to look at him fully. You politely ask what that was about. The pain, not his smile that lights up your heart in a fluttering mess. He says it happened to him yesterday when he arrived here. Your face falls slightly past its stoicism, you were supposed to be here with him. You notice his eyes widen in worry when he sets them on your expression. You school yourself back into a blank look and move your mouth to say sorry before he cuts you off. 

It's almost like he knows exactly what you were about to say, and handles it with the utmost compassion. Like you're fragile and about to break into a million fractions. (You'd never admit that was true. You've convinced yourself so much that you don't believe it.) He tells you not to worry and that he wasn't lonely. (You suspect the contrary. You _know_ it's the contrary.) He only leaves you with the question of where you were.

You tell him straight up, you just don't sleep. His brows knit together with concern and his mouth opens in the slightest but before he can say anything you cut him off with a "'It's okay. It doesn't bother me." (It seems cutting each other off is the theme of tonight.)

He shuts his mouth, probably unconvinced, and holds his tongue which has anxieties of unsaid words bouncing all over it. He looks straight back at you for one last confirmation before he continues. It's memories of the dreams, he explains. He asks you if when you woke up you forgot everything. Now that he mentions it, yeah you couldn't remember anything at all. He slightly frowns, pensive, before his grin ignites the void again. He says he experienced the same. 

Every time he smiles a firework goes off in your head and leaves you momentarily dazed. Damn, the city that is you really can't take the earthquake of a lovestruck crush and the gigantic tsunami of striking guilt because you weren't here with him.

He tells you while you weren't here (his animated speech keeps you lightly distracted from said guilt but he doesn't seem to notice regardless) he went adventuring and found something. Your eyebrows knit together in confusion. There wasn't anything there that first night. But he insists, and you weren't looking to challenge him on it, so you end up following him. 

A neat, inky veil covers a side of the "room". (Close enough to a wall, you think). It's a huge draping curtain, one that is trying to blend in to shield itself to hide its secrets. You lightly caress the fabric. It's so smooth, a texture so unfamiliar you almost pull your hand back. You only then notice that the sides are ripping, but from what? You ask Jake and he bashfully answers saying he's not sure how they got there but it was the only way he found out about it. Like the thing itself was tired of waiting, or knew that this was the time to reveal itself. 

You ask him what's behind it. He says he doesn't know and despite being absurdly curious, he wanted to wait for you. He turns to look up at you with a massive grin before saying "Shall we?". You nod your head.

He pushes back the curtain with such certainty as if he's not afraid of what's on the other side. You ask yourself what could be so frightening as you draw this conclusion before settling on a multitude of uneasy answers. You're glad one of you doesn't seem to have any lingering fear of what's behind.

You almost flinch at what's on the other side before reminding yourself to keep your Strider Poker Face. He wouldn't notice anyway so why you keep doing this to yourself has just seemingly become an irritating habit. He looks in awe at the thing(s?) in front of him. You round the corner to see what exactly is so impressive before gazing at a familiar blade and a set of gold pistols. You've never seen actual guns like this before.

Jake runs to the guns, his own sense of familiarity pulling him closer to them. He spouts something about how precious they are and how incredible it is that they found their way to wherever you are. You are equally as surprised that your katana is here but even more surprised and in awe that Jake can duel-wield pistols.

You check your sylladex for your katana but can't seem to find anything let alone it. Just when you thought that maybe you could show Jake something cool from where you live that's not even possible.

His gaze shifts to your katana and his eyes brighten even more. His mouth is slightly ajar as he bombards you with questions as if his weapons weren't incredible at all. Well, mission accomplished with impressing him you guess. 

Once he starts asking you questions, you're not sure how to respond. You made the thing yourself one day when you were bored and had dreams of single-handedly fucking up the Condesce, as fantastical as that is. You found spare parts from around your apartment as you do for all of your other inventions and put it together. That's all there is to the story but Jake seems so infatuated otherwise. 

You both agree that it isn't the right time for a strife but make a promise to do it sometime. You walk out of the velvet-covered room (seriously how did you two not see it?) and the portals stare back, aglow. 

It's harder to mask your disappointment this time around. You look as Jake feels the same. You may have no concept of time in this dream state but it sure felt like it passed fast. Jake turns to you, clearly frustrated. 

You both agree that your time was cut much too short but you don't have anything else to do here. You wish you could talk with him longer, or at least hear him talk for hours. But Jake doesn't seem to have given up. He huffs before saying the portals won't stop him from staying. He looks you in the eyes in a way that pleads to not be let go before he even says anything, ( _oh fuck, fuck)_ and you don't think he's even intending it. 

"Uh, you sure you don't have any monsters to fuck up back home? Nothing's going to like, jump you through the portal?" You blabber. 

He chuckles and grins, says that there's nothing to worry about. Your mutual loneliness seems to be an infatuating factor in both of your calculative decision-making. Like throwing a brick into a washing machine fully knowing it'll blow it up but doing it purely for your own entertainment. 

So you decide to stay.

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

You attempt to strife without any weapons seeing as you have nothing else to do. You let him have the first move, testing his ability. He runs straight towards you, and you back up a step readying for a defense position to take a hit. But instead, he sidesteps around you and trips you as you turn. 

"Shit..." You mutter as you quickly attempt to pick yourself back up. He grabs your arm to stop you but you trip him right back. He falls to the side but jumps back up quicker than you can pin him. So now you're both back at square one, just slightly mussed up and out of breath. He grins across from you and it looks as if he's actually preparing a punch this time. 

You decide to humor him and step back into a defensive position. As soon as he lets his guard down from fatigue or misjudgment you'll return the favor, just to shock him a little, you decide. 

He decides to aim at your left shoulder, to which you jump back and lean to the right. He continues his barrage as you continuously back up. He asks you if that's all you've got. You give him a small smirk and tell him not to get cocky so early. His eyes widen a fraction but his movements don't quit his assault.

You find that you've greatly underestimated him despite him telling you about his life on his island. He truly is good in combat and you can see how he would excel with a physical weapon. But that doesn't mean you aren't well versed in battle either. 

You notice his pace seems to let up and his arms are beginning to slow. He might have a couple more strong punches in him before he gives. So you brace for them and take a few more steps backward and begin to load up your fist to tell him "hey I wasn't just dicking around this entire time" but his timing is off. He swings at you faster than you expect and in your haste to dodge you end up falling backward. 

"Fuck." Is what Jake would hear if he could but you end up sailing through your lilac portal and he doesn't get to. How you got close enough without noticing is beyond you, you think as you run over your shitty tactic just so you could look cool in front of him. You don't get the opportunity to think much more of it though because you once again wake up to the world surrounded by water and the consciousness of a person who doesn't remember the dream of the night before.

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

You end up waking at 1:00 pm. You're always up at around 9:00. Your katana lays messily on the floor, right where you left it.

You think something's wrong with you. You can't recall the last time it's been easy to say you just want to do something and have your body completely agree. Every night you feel weighted by sleep, a trait that didn't often happen to you in particular. Then waking up as late as you did. How did you manage that? Were you stuck in your non-existent dream longer than usual or have your allnighters come back to fuck with you? It's an annoying thought to toy with. You kind of have shit to do. 

Not remembering multiple dreamself-less nights is starting to make you incredibly paranoid regardless. You haven't died and are still awake on Derse before you go to bed so why do you suddenly not remember anything? Not once have you ever felt your mind split apart over your dreamself. That was one of the things you had the best handle on and now it's been driven into the bottom of the ocean to sink with the rest of the things you feel good about. 

You're not surprised. It's a punishment you deserve however that doesn't mean it doesn't irritate you because you don't know why it's happening.

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

Day after day, your thoughts are occupied by this strange occurrence, one of which you've never experienced before. It floats through your mind _constantly_ , despite you pushing it back. 

And yet...you are always lulled to sleep at the end of the night. You're not sure if it's a miracle because of how consistently it's happening or a curse meant to subdue you into a false sense of security. You're starting to feel...better about yourself too? You no longer have as dark bags under your eyes and feel _as_ self-deprecating. You feel lighter, not quite happy, but light. Your problems haven't gone away but they've shrunk, minutely as they have. You know this won't last, as most good things around you don't, but for now, you're going with it like a surfboard getting swept by a wave. You really don't have any other option after all.

Every night your confusion turns to memories as you meet Jake again. You always forget what happens in the morning still but it's worth it to see him. It's been happening for a good month now, you switching from your confusion to a headache of pleasant memories. 

Every time you meet him there's always something else to do, a new curtain covering the unknown to explore. Jake loves it, stemming from his love for all things adventurous. 

All you find behind these curtains so far have been mementos, or memories. The parts for the robots you're going to build, Jake's skulltop, when you got in touch with Roxy for the first time, and he with a girl named Jane. There are countless things you've forgotten laid behind these curtains and junk that you have scattered among your apartment. Jake is enlightened to see those things as well from his end, often telling you grand stories about where they came from.

You've tried to go back together through either portal too but it doesn't work. One disappears while the other stays. You've attempted to write things on each other from one of Jake's favorite movie pens but the ink bleeds out of your skin when you wake up and doesn't come back when you return. 

You are disappointed even though you knew it was predictable. You find yourself okay with just being with him. His company is addicting, from every word to every motion and you never get tired of it. When you exist back into the void you wait for him and he's always there. It's surreal having someone else waiting for you, almost like you're living a normal life with a normal friend.

But all the same it's...

Incredible.

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

You wake to the familiarity of the void once more but something's wrong. As soon as your headache subsides you feel immense pressure as if the void itself is capsizing into you. The feeling goes away but you are left feeling heavy, your gut twisting in the wrong way.

When you meet Jake he asks if you felt it too. You nod. He deflates. He states that this is probably the end right? in more of an inquisitive manner. Your mouth presses into a line. You tell him you hope not. His lips quirk up.

He tells you that no matter what's behind that possible last curtain, he had a lot of fun with you and hopes to meet you for real despite your previous fruitless efforts. The words strike you like an arrow. How are you supposed to reply to that? Luckily it doesn't look like he was waiting for a response anyway.

As you stand before the curtain Jake stops. His eyes flicker between you and it much like he did the first time you met him. He seems to fall on a conclusion to something and before you can react, he reaches his hand and grabs yours. You flinch back like an idiot before you can even process this action. He startles and asks what's wrong while muttering a bashful apology.

You also pause, thinking of how to play out the situation. Now would be the time to tell him the truth about you, you decide. Uneasy as you feel about telling Jake about your living situation, he deserves to know. Like, _most_ of the truth to an extent this time, not some hashed out bullshit even if it'll only be a sentence. 

You tell him you've never lived with another human being and never seen one. His eyes widen. Pretty pathetic you want to say but he smiles and tells you it's okay. He asks you if you try again. You nod. You'd really like to try again.

He lays his palm out in front of you and you slowly rest your own on top of it. You think you're supposed to intertwine your hands so your fingers slowly fall into place between his. 

God, you're burning, your hand is so sweaty you can't believe this is happening. He smiles and asks if _this_ is alright. You would tell him it's more than alright but you can't so you just nod your head frantically. He gives you a small chuckle. 

You've never felt such heat sear through your hand. You feel another person's _flesh_ underneath yours and it's incredible. You feel a small trace of a heartbeat. You feel the cracks in his palm and you never want to let go. You never want to let _him_ go. 

You step behind the curtains with no expectations, your mind hazy from heat but you're don't care because you're doing it together, and that's all that matters. There's isn't as much there as you look around the space. Two symbols, pink and yellow stare back at you, the only things occupying the area. The pink one resembles a heart half-filled and the other, golden-yellow wings. You blink at each other in confusion. What does this have to do with anything? 

Some way to end, you tell him. He laughs and says maybe you got your hopes up too high. You can hear the portal behind the curtain whirr to life but you're going to ignore it for now.

You're not sure how long it's been but nothing would ever feel like you have enough time with him. He asks you if you would want to do one last thing before you part. You oblige. He asks you if you would want to do something where you each ask each other one question. Yeah, you'd like that, you reply. He asks if he can go first. You say go ahead.

He asks you if he can see your eyes. You startle for a moment. No one's ever seen them before. You'd like it so that no one ever knows what you're feeling because it's a weakness. But here you can't say no, and you don't. He lightly tugs on the sides pulling them off of you. 

Your bright orange iris' stare back at him as he drinks them in. You still think his are nicer. He slowly reaches his hand to hover beside your cheek before cradling it. Your entire face is now burning and your stoic facade has shattered. He says your eyes are magnificent and he loves the shade. They're really pretty too, he adds. You literally can't respond now. Everything is on fire and your throat is as dry as Texas if you didn't live in the 2400s surrounded by the ocean. 

He asks you softly what you want to ask him. Your eyes dart everywhere across his face landing on his mouth several times but you can't answer him. You probably look like a tomato, making a fool of yourself. But his face only softens and he leans closer. 

"Is this okay?" He asks. You whisper a "Yeah".

He closes the distance between the two of you and presses his lips gently to yours. It only lasts a few seconds and doesn't go beyond that but that's okay, you feel okay. You didn't register anything as it happened but it was good and warm and you'd like to do it again another time, with him specifically. 

Your hand's twine together again as you walk toward his portal, the inevitable catching up.

"I'm going to miss you, chum." He says.

"I want to see you again." You dodge, not ready to say goodbye.

"Yeah. We'll make that happen. I promise!" His blind hope gives you lots of faith, despite a bleak outcome.

You can see his eyes are wet and he's on the verge of crying as he begins to walk through his portal. Your hand follows after his and you squeeze it. Before he's all the way submerged he tells you, tearfully:

"Thank you Dirk. It's been a pleasure." 

"The pleasure was all mine." You half-mimic in a shitty joke.

He jumps back into your arms surrounding you in a tight hug. This is the second time he's jumped you like this and you still aren't ready but it feels easier this time despite you not knowing where to put your arms. You decide to surround his waist as he pulls you tighter from where his arms loops around your neck.

You refuse to let go. You could sit here for hours in this space, just as long as he's there. You realize you don't want to go back as your eyes also start to water. 

"Thank you." He starts.

"Thank you." You finish.

You eventually have to let him go, and it's awful. (You _promised_ you wouldn't, you _promised_ ).

"Don't worry! Your old noggin will completely forget about me once you go through your own portal." He says shakily. "That doesn't mean we won't see each other again through!"

"I'm going to miss you Jake." You say. You don't really care for hiding at this point.

"Me too chum."

"..."

"..."

"..."

He looks down regretfully before looking you straight in the eyes again. He still feels like he's staring into your soul but you let it happen and you wish he'd be around to do it more.

His cheeks form into a familiar sidewards smile and he gives you a half-wave. 

"See you on the other side?"

You're fully aware of the implications behind those words.

"See you on the other side." 

You parrot back with a small smile of your own.

You walk through your portal, the opening of your lonely life staring back at you. You walk through, despite knowing the consequences. You still feel unhappy and wish you could look back but you don't. You can't. You told him you'll see him on the other side and that's what you'll do.

You step through, and the boy with a taste for adventure, the boy with a hope that backs his every action, the boy who was the first person you'd ever met disappears. The name "Jake English" lingers on your tongue before you wake up to tears staining your face.

**～～～～～～✯～～～～～～**

You wake to said tears and exhaustion. What kind of dream did you just have? Probably one that won't be letting you sleep peacefully anymore anytime soon.

You hear a soft pinging noise from your computer. Roxy must be pestering you again. You sit up and place your shades to your face and change. Your concern over your dream fades as you look to your computer. 

Something still feels missing though.

Something big this time.

\- - golgothasTerror [GT]

began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

at 09:27 - -

GT: Hello! 

GT: Ive gotten your pesterhandle from a friend of yours.

GT: Roxy i believe her name was. 

GT: Anyways would this be dirk? 

GT: Dirk strider? 

GT: My name would be 

GT: Jake english. 

Your name is Dirk Strider, and suddenly, it feels as if nothing's been missing at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Give Dirkjake a break 2020 lmao


End file.
